The Revelation to St. John

I found myself reading the Revelation to St. John late last night. My meditative mood has me going back to the Holy Books fairly regularly. I feel extremely weak these days, failing in many things, feeling apathy about a lot, such as my health, and why bother indulging in my love of spiritual conversation since most people do not respond to it well. I only seem to be able to find comfort in my own learning. I get some satisfaction from what little work I have, and gardening helps, but my mind doesn't seem to want to get off of my powerlessness and weakness these days. Not uselessness, exactly, but certainly not capable of causing change in myself, nevermind in anyone else. How many times have I gone off of sugar, which I have known since I was 21 makes me very ill, only to fail and cause all the problems it causes in my body and mind? Why bother trying again? And how many times have I decided on an exercise routine that I think I can stick with, looking for something I think I will enjoy, only to stop almost before I start - again. I am declining a lot of Baha'i service because I don't have the mental energy for it. One of my Baha'i friends, when I recently declined offering my services on too grand a scale for our community's annual summer event, told me that even trees go into dormancy when they need to. I know she wished to offer comfort, and I did take some comfort from it. I'll allow myself a break. But I know that I go into spiritual declines rather rapidly if I take breaks that are too long from service.

Anyway, Since Jovani and I have been reading 'Abdu'l-Baha's Some Answered Questions and there are several references to Christian subjects in it, I was drawn to the New Testament last night. I recognized things that were actually fulfillments of the Old Testament as well, such as mentioning the opening of the seals, when Daniel was told to "Seal up the books." But the interpretation of what those seals are is something where people start a lot of guessing. Understandably. However, everywhere I saw a reference to "1260 days" or "twelve hundred and sixty days" I thought, "That's familiar. What is that?" So I went back to Some Answered Questions in case it was there, and found it in "Commentary on the Eleventh Chapter of the Revelation to St. John" - 1260 is from the Muhammadan calendar, and is the number in the Koran that predicts when the spirit of Muhammad will return. The Bab declared His mission in the year 1260 of the Muhammadan calendar -1844 of the Gregorian calendar.

I found the Revelation to John interesting because of its timing. I know that Christians understand Jesus to be "the Lamb of God", and there may be some Biblical references to that - I don't really know. But if they're getting that from John, it doesn't make sense because it is full of predictions for the future, and Jesus had already come. So how can the "Lamb" that John talks about be Jesus? Given similarities in Their lives and the way They both died, and some other indications, I tend to think that the Lamb is the Bab. There are also a few references to a "new name" in John. How can Jesus return with His own Name if He is supposed to have a new name?

Actually, there was a lot of stuff in the Revelation to John that I rather quickly recognized as having been fulfilled by the Bab and Baha'u'llah, but I still find myself wondering WHY Christ inspired John to write SO allegorically. Actually, Baha'u'llah explained that it is so that those who are materialists WON'T recognize Him because Jesus didn't want those people to recognize Him when He returned, but holy smokes, what a way to make it virtually impossible for ANYONE to recognize Him.

My nephew was asking me, when he was here before leaving for Saskatoon, (and I had no idea how knowledgeable Rowan is on Biblical matters - he illustrated to me how St. Paul specifically says that the Resurrection was spiritual, not physical, but he lost me in his explanation of that - maybe I was not quite mentally alert enough but Rowan's brain boggles my mind sometimes - he's both brilliant and spiritual), if I would have believed in the other Messengers of God based solely on their Person and their Word. I had to honestly respond that I don't think so. My sister thought I was being dogmatic. I said, "Not really, I'm just discovering that I'm not nearly as great as I thought I was." She laughed, "Ah, learning humility." A little too profoundly, I think.

Would I have believed in Baha'u'llah based solely on His Person and His Word? It is impossible to say, of course, but His Word strikes me as impossible to have come from merely an inspired human being. From His Person? I don't really know, since I've never enjoyed the gruesome history of religion and therefore haven't studied it much. Some people love the stories of the martyrs and the life of Baha'u'llah. Too much suffering for my liking. I did enjoy the first two books of "The Revelation of Baha'u'llah" by Adib Taherzadeh, though it has been years since I read them. I quit half way through the third book.

Well, my mind is suddenly a blank, and I'm hoping that means that all the thoughts that have been swirling around my head will take a rest. I don't much want to be thinking about these things because it is a lonely endeavour. I don't seem to have much choice. At least Mom likes to discuss them.

Blessed

The dictionary definition that applies to the kind of blessed I'm talking about is "divinely or supremely favored, fortunate."

I've decided to blog this because I can't seem to get out of my meditative mood and three meditative letters to everyone, some who I KNOW are not interested in my meditative thoughts, seem a bit much.

I was reflecting, when I woke up this morning, that every moment of every day is a moment in which we reassess our own faith. Most moments it is not so consciously done. If we choose to identify with any particular faith system, at any moment something can happen that causes us to wonder if we have chosen correctly. Usually such moments are not really all that traumatic or challenging to truths we have have long accepted. Occasionally something happens or someone says something that makes us go back to the Books, if only to reaffirm what we already know to be true. Seldom is there a moment that makes us seriously doubt. Probably a good thing - those moments are painful, traumatic, and often, life-changing, for good or for bad - and even that latter is a human judgment, not a Divine one. However, serious doubt can and does happen, and while probably useful because without it we would likely become complacent - and not genuinely be searching for the truth - not something a person wishes to go through every day.

And when we get over them such that we either confirm what we already believe or choose a different path entirely, it is still only one such moment - or series of moments - in an entire lifetime of moments in which God can allow or assist us to change our views entirely. Which brings me to the idea of being "blessed."

There is a passage from Baha'u'llah that goes thus: Blessed are the steadfast; blessed are they that stand firm in His Faith.

My entire life I have been reading such passages as "Rewarded are they". Because I have remained a Baha'i all my life, have managed, through many trials and tests of my faith to continue to believe in Baha'u'llah, I have imagined myself "rewarded", if not in this life, though possibly that, then definitely in the life to come. It occurred to me this morning that I have misunderstood it all my life. "Blessed" is closer to being a "recipient of grace" than it is "rewarded." "Rewarded" implies that I have done something to merit remaining firm in my faith in Baha'u'llah through all the individual moments in my life when I might have chosen otherwise. "Blessed" actually means that, thanks to Him, I am still a Baha'i. It is very, very humbling.